If you read the title and thought it’s going to be the same tips on ‘how to put spark back in relationship’ by communicating more, spend quality time together and have sex often – which you have already read many times before. You’re absolutely in the right place at right time! As it’s not about that.
We all know the most common challenge couples face over the course of a long-term relationship is that – the initial spark of relationship or the energy fades. And it is quite a natural part of settling into a relationship where two people become closer, get to know all about each other and intertwine their lives together; hopefully leading to much deeper level of understanding and intimacy (hopefully!)
Though most couples feel they’re missing something. The reality is – to feel that continuous passion and energy in any relation, one thing is a MUST: Connection!
There are physiological changes in brain and body in the honeymoon phase of any relation – increased levels of dopamine and nerve growth factor leading to euphoria and connection; hence causing the rush, the excitement even just by looking at your partner.
As the time passes, there is no surge in those chemicals and no physical excitement, which might lead to the boring phase as nothing keeps that feeling alive, irrespective of all the love.
So what couples need is – Connection and a deeper one! How?
1. Verbal communication is not the only key
It’s quite common whenever there’s a lack of connection or a conflict, women want to communicate and men, however want to pull away in that moment; mostly. Because men and women are physiologically different.
Talking about feelings is soothing to women while can make a man physically uncomfortable. Researches show that there is literally more blood flow to their muscles. They get fidgety and females think they are not listening.
80% connection is built non-verbally; by eye contact, physical touch, little acts of care & service; without any verbal communication.
2.Make your partner feel important (But first feel that!)
If you have ever done / experienced that; you know what it means (mostly happens in the beginning of a relationship).
Later the most important person in our life is the one we resent the most. And how do we make them feel usually – wrong, not good enough, not able to make other happy and just not perfect.
Here men are even more sensitive to women, as proved by researches.
Author Steven Stosny says “A man’s greatest suffering, comes from the shame he feels when he does not measure up to his partner’s expectations” – which is why discussing relationship problems (i.e what he’s doing wrong) offers no help at all.
Notice when was the last time you told your men/women how great he/she is and how grateful you’re to have them. They might not be a perfect person but just perfect for you!
3. Play…and Get that adrenaline rush
“The couples who play together, stay together!” Bring play into your daily routine whether its sports, board games, cards, dance, laughing at jokes or sexual play. Play is the best way to connect deeper and keep a continuous passion alive.
You know your body is not releasing those chemicals of excitement anymore; look for something that brings out that passionate lover in you.
Get adventurous and experimental with activities like rock climbing, extreme sports, travelling, even innovative cooking. Be game in doing something new together which you’ve not done before.
4. Get organised
Wondering what organising has to do with the spark in your marriage. Interestingly, the most common conflicts in couples happen over the small stuff, household chores and finances. There are no clear boundaries around it.
The more clear and organised you are about the jobs and responsibilities each of you have, also understanding and accepting of other’s personality, the less are the struggles and better connection.
Discuss what are your respective responsibilities and come up with an agreeable structure about it so there are no assumption who is doing what.
5. Develop a childlike intimacy
Remember when was the last time you whispered to / winked at your partner or gazed into their eyes for few seconds? It’s time to stop being a boring adult and be childlike. Bring some playfulness in your life. Here are some tips:
As a fun game; whisper to your partner about something (pull up the bedcovers, a great place to do that).
Wink at them, wave or pass a hint when in a group to communicate something private; that might make a good laugh later for both of you.
Learn the skill of flirting with your spouse, if you already not know it.
Notice how little children make you feel great with their expression of love.
6. Art of genuine appreciation
Be lavish in your acknowledgment and appreciation for your spouse. Here are 7 simple ways to appreciate your partner. A genuine praise always works wonder.
7. Make passion a priority over everything else and feel the Bliss
Get off from the couch, switch off the TV and just do something (Any Thing) fun together (and that doesn’t count going movies). Don’t limit yourself and explore as per your style and choice.
Things that stretches you out of your comfort zone would get those chemicals running and support you to bring back that zing!
Try these connection builders to rekindle the spark in your marriage. If not now? When? This is the time!
Not able to build that passion or reconnect? I am happy to help; I provide relationship coaching to couples who are ready to connect with their joy and longing for that deeper connection.
Mail me at connect@salonisingh.com to book your 1st consultation to experience how life coaching can help!
Do share your experience, I would love to hear from you. And if you have tried something different to put spark back in your relationship, feel free to share that as well.
Much love.