Fed up of drama in your life? Do you keep on making conversations with people in your head?, “Asking them questions why did they do that to you? Or telling them how much they’ve hurt you.”
Drama is not happening out there. What is happening out there is just what is supposed to happen. People come in your life in different roles, to play the part you need them to play; in order to make you feel the wholeness of your emotions. Whether it is sadness, anger, pain or joy. They are just doing their part.
When you think, rethink and keep on thinking about your hurt, pain and events; notice where is the drama actually happening? Out side in your environment or inside your head?
They might have hurt you just once, but the story you create in your head hurt you again and again.
The truth is, people are just doing what they are supposed to do or be as per their experience and capabilities. If they could do better than this, they would have done it.
What they did doesn’t hurt you but the meaning you give like – ‘why did my partner cheat on me, why do my parents never understand me, why did my friend not support me, why are people so selfish and rude and so’ hurts you.
Purpose of feelings is to feel them.
Once you’ve felt them, you are ready to let go and move forward. But notice what you do. Someone said or did something to you once or twice or few times; and you keep on repeating those events and conversations in your head over and over again; hundred or thousand times, may be all day long, for months or years (in many cases).
Neuroscience shows that you have about 60-80000 thoughts in a day. A few on conscious level and rest similar thoughts at subconscious level. So for every few thoughts you have thousands similar thoughts going on repeatedly in your subconscious as well.
How to stop giving space to people and drama in you head, that you give without even any rent:
1. Set a feelings goal:
Think about how do you want to feel. I have never met a single person ever who wants to feel bad. It is a universal truth that if you are a human, you want to feel good. Connect with your goal and say out loud “I want to feel Happy / joyful / peaceful/ blissful (whatever word it is for you) No Matter What”.
2. Awareness:
Be aware to catch yourself when you are allowing old thought pattern and entertaining the drama in your head. Smile and say STOP.
3. Challenge your thoughts:
Ask yourself, are these thoughts taking me towards my goal to become Happy or away from it. Repeat out loud that my goal and priority in life is to be happy and I can achieve it. If you are not able to drop the thoughts, Let them flow and just pour them down on a paper as they come. Journaling your thoughts take the negative charge out of them and make you feel calm.
4. Take control and choose conscious thoughts:
Speak out loud I choose what I want to think and feel. Choose your thoughts consciously. Yes you can learn that, it just takes some practice to think consciously but results are amazing.
Some simple thoughts that you can start with –
“All is well in my life even if it does not seem to be.
There is still much I can be grateful for.
Everyone is doing their best with the capabilities and personality they have.
What they think of me is not about who I am but more about who they are.
I accept myself and others the way I am and the way and they are.
Everything is happening for my good even if I can’t see it right now.
Life is working for me and the best is yet to come.”
5. Stay present with the moment:
Last but not the least, start paying attention to the present moment. There is no drama in this moment. stop living in the past or future.
keep coming back to the present, practice it. Feel the stillness and peace in this moment. Feel the experience, if you are watering the plants, be with the plants; if you are listing to music, be with the music only; if you are on a walk, experience the air, the nature and everything around.
Be fully present with all your senses, your mind, body and spirit.
Are you ready to stop giving space to drama in your head and feel the fullness of peace within you? Share your experience of practising these steps, I would love to hear.
After trying yourself, if you still catch yourself in the drama, time to take help from a life coach. Find more about life coaching on www.salonisingh.com.
Much Love.