Habits I decided to get rid of because I am a mom.

Why are you reacting so badly darling?

I asked my daughter when she screamed at her sister on a tiny mistake (a few years back).

I learnt it from you only mom!

I was shocked by her instant reply, In My Face. 

This was my elder preteen daughter.

Even though I was furious at her audacity to tell this in my face but knew very well that she was just showing me the mirror. It was a habit pattern for me to react as well.

"It was a Wake-up Call for me.

I knew my children were watching me every moment and absorbing subconsciously everything I do – my reactions, my anger, my frustration, my guilt, my feelings of helplessness or power.

Being a life coach, I knew very well the way I live and act, deeply impacts and gets ingrained in my child’s young, sponge-like mind.

So I determined to change my bad habits, my unconscious behaviour patterns and reactions because I am a mom now.

And I wanted to be a role model for my daughters for good reasons, not the bad ones.

Here’re eight habits that I realised I needed to break and I put all my efforts towards changing them and succeeded to a great extent.

1. Stop reacting and start responding.

I decided that I’ll not scream or yell at my child and will stay calm no matter what.

With the regular practice of deep breathing, mindfulness and meditation, I became more aware of my triggers, when and how I react and gradually made a shift from yelling mom to a calm and peaceful muuma.

What I wanted my kids to watch and learn:

Calm is my Superpower, especially in tough situations.

2. Stop criticising myself.

I knew the way I think and talk about myself impacts the way my daughters see themselves.

I realised I was my worst critic and I didn’t want my daughters to do the same when they grow up.

So I stopped my inner critic from saying – I look fat, My hair looks bad, or OMG! I am so stupid and instead practiced saying –

I am Beautiful.

I am the most loving mom to my children.

I am enough.

What I wanted my kids to watch and learn:

The power of self-appreciation and self-love.

3. Stop thinking about what people think of me.

I learnt that other people’s opinion only shows who they are, it’s not that much about me.

I stopped all comparison.

What I want them to see in me and learn:

What others think of you is none of your business!

What you think of yourself is the most important thing you should know.

4. No People Pleasing.

I learnt to say No politely, and overcame the need to be liked and validated by others.

I realised that I don’t need others to like me, or validate me. I like myself and approve of myself and that’s enough.

What I want them to notice in me and learn:

When I say No to something I don't love, I say yes to myself.

5. Stop putting other’s needs over and above me.

Not stating what I would like to eat when we’re choosing to order outside meal or always letting others choose where to dine out, cutting fruits for everyone else and forgetting for myself, getting appointments for others but me (when needed) these were few of the things I used to do. 

Even though I always did it from a place of love and affection for my family, I realised that I didn’t even know what is my favourite cuisine or dish.

I felt that I would like to pamper myself once in a while the way I do for my children and partner.

What I want them to see in me and learn:

All love begins with self-love only.

Self-care and self-nurture is the prerequisite to genuinely love, care, and nurture others.

I feel so proud the other day, when I heard my daughter telling her friend an honest ‘No’ for an invitation. That she can’t come to hang out because she doesn’t like to hang out with the other kids who were coming over.

She mentioned that she would be happy to come some other time alone if her friend likes to do that.

6. Stop complaining: 

I knew if I want my children to feel grateful in life, I must feel grateful no matter what’s going on. 

So I made gratitude a daily practice and learnt to always focus on the solutions and not the issues at hand when it comes to daily life challenges life throw at us.

This year has been a great reminder of gratefulness for the little joys of life…. when we couldn’t go out for holidays, fun and entertainment stuck at home in this pandemic.

What I want my children to learn:

The more grateful we are, the more we have to be grateful for.

7. Stop Procrastinating when it comes to my health:

I was a huge procrastinator when it came to my physical health.

I was always ready to boost my mental and emotional health, whether it’s via taking time out for meditation, meeting friends, having me time, going for spiritual retreats etc.

But when it comes to taking vitamin supplements, doing regular exercise, getting routine blood tests done, I used to forget or find a reason to delay it.

So I decided. Not anymore.

Especially this year, when we really need high immunity and fitness to go through this viral pandemic, I’ve learnt to put my health on top priority as well. I am not fully there yet, but halfway for sure.

What I want my daughters to notice and learn:

Your health and happiness is first and foremost your own responsibility. Take care of your well-being.

8. Stop feeling Guilty.

I don’t feel guilty anymore when I make a mistake or I’m not able to do all the things my children and family expected from me.

I realised Guilt is so deeply ingrained in us moms, it doesn’t help us evolve because it brings down our energy and makes us feel so bad.

It actually stops us from evolving.

It was a huge insight. I now work with moms to help them get rid of guilt.

I told my children that I am human and I can make mistakes. I can still react or forget to do something I committed for, that doesn’t make me a nbad person.

I made sure that I apologize when I do that, and I definitely try to amend to my best capacity.

What I want my children to learn:

It's OK to make mistakes. Own your mistakes and grow. Drop the guilt.

I am so grateful to my children for always showing me how I can be my most patient and loving self to myself and others, no matter what the circumstances are.

Parenting is a lifelong retreat to help us evolve and become the best version of who we are…. and our children are our masters showing us the path.

The journey continues – it’s tough but worth every moment.

Share your insights and lessons and what habits you’ve changed or you want to change because your children are watching.

Much love.

Saloni