For just a moment, close your eyes and imagine you are a teenager again or go back to the time when you were one.
Remember how much you wanted to be accepted by your peers and to look as good as possible in an era of the offline world.
Now fast forward a generation (practically 10 generations)…and imagine you are a teenager in the 21st sanctuary.
Trying to fit in every single day in an online world of search engines, social media, mobile phone apps and, media bombardment with unlimited choices of anything and everything.
Phew…the list itself is so tiresome, overwhelming and stressful.
Your teens are constantly being judged by their peers, teachers, and even strangers online and they feel this pressure to fit in, to belong.
“The world outside may judge your teen in a dozen different ways, they will perceive their value and self-worth by how you, their parents look at them.”
Even if they don’t show it to you, they want to know whether, in their home, they are respected and loved unconditionally for just who they are, no pretense. If you think your children already know that they are unconditionally loved by their parents, you are completely mistaken.
1. Acknowledging your child for who they are, not just for what they do
Most of the teens believe negative things about themselves like I am lazy, I am irresponsible, I am not disciplined, etc.
When you appreciate and acknowledge your child, tell them about their qualities, not just what they achieve. Tell them their strengths. Tell them how creative, kind, imaginative, generous, loving, and thoughtful they are.
That will help them build a positive self-image and serve them hugely.
2. Respecting your child’s opinion
Include your child in important decisions of your family. Whether it’s changing the house decor, planning a holiday, managing family budget or how to celebrate special events.
Listen to your child’s opinions and respect them.
You don’t have to agree with everything they ask for. But when you genuinely listen and tell them respectfully why you might not be able to do what they want, they’ll slowly understand your point of view.
The key here is to respect their views as you would do for a friend.
3. Entering into your child’s world
As your child becomes more independent, the peer group becomes very important for them They don’t show that they need to spend time with you.
But this is a time when your son or daughter is going through massive changes in their hormonal, emotional and physical body and need you even more.
Stronger the bond you share with your teen, the better are the chances that they’ll share their issues and concerns with you. Stay around your teen and be a part of their daily activities, without intruding or being clingy.
It’s about keeping a good balance between knowing what the kids are up to, being up to date with technology, taking a genuine interest in their hobbies, playing things they like, with them while providing them the space they need.
4. Not sweating over the small stuff
Lots of parents take stress about the phase their child is going through, their likes and dislikes.
Is it worth arguing about the small stuff like your daughter’s choice of clothes, what she wears at a party, or your son’s hairstyle and grooming?
Don’t sweat too much about the little stuff but make sure you know the important values your family stands for, like honesty, not lying, not smoking, the kind of company they have, and other really important stuff.
5. Not taking your child’s every word personally
This is a tough one.
Teenagers can be rude many times and it can be hard for parents, not to react.
Usually, the parental ego is hurt and finds it hard to understand how can the child they love so much, behave in such a way or say such words.
Do you really think your child meant the words they might have said in anger? Later it might seem like common sense but at that moment it can be very hurtful and disturbing.
Remember that anything your child might have said in anger or frustration, is not about you but the emotions they were going through at that moment. It could be someone is bullying them or they are not happy with something in their life.
“Just know in your heart that your child needs your love the most when they deserve it the least.”
6. Not trying to save them from every pain and hurt
‘Many parents don’t want their children to experience any pain, risks, mistakes or failure.’
By protecting your child from the realities of life, you rob them of valuable learning opportunities before they are out on their own.
Trust your child’s innate wisdom to deal with anything, unless it’s harmful or dangerous. Let them experience the heartbreaks, disappointments, and failures and come out strong out of all that.
Just be there for them to be their soundboard anytime and every time they need it.
It’s much harder to do than to say but be assured that it’s worth it.
7. Showing physical love
Many parents share with me, that their growing teens especially boys won’t let them hug or kiss or show love by physical touch, so they stop doing it.
In teen surveys, many teenagers have confessed they wish their parents knew, that in spite of answering back, rolling our eyes, pretending not to listen and care; we do care, love and need them more than they could imagine.
All humans need physical touch; to feel loved and connected and so do teenagers whether boys or girls.
Explore how your teen likes to be shown love, and express your love in that way.
If they don’t want to be hugged and kissed in public or in front of their friends, respect that but at home, you can do it in some form whether it’s a pat on the shoulder, a head massage, a hug as per your child’s likeness and they’ll surely respond with time.
No doubt that your teen or tween will test your limits, and your patience. But they’re still a child (a grown-up one:). And even though they might not admit it, they need you a lot more than you think.
Much love.
Happy Parenting!
P.S: This article was first published here –
http://thenewagefoundation.org/profiles/blogs/7-best-practices-followed-by-parents-of-teenagers