Your daughter, your pride; as a parent you want the best for her. Can you help her build a positive self-esteem?
Absolutely! Studies show that parents play a crucial role in how children see and perceive themselves, in lot of ways. Here’s my five –
You’re your child’s most influential Role-Model
Whether you like it or not, its true. If you’re not confident in front of others, if you’re not happy the way you look, your body image, your wardrobe etc. your daughter is going to follow that to a great extent, mostly unconsciously.
So the very first step to boost her self-esteem is to work on your own. She’s observing you every moment whether you know it or not. She’ll notice if in front of mirror you say I look terrible or instead, I am so happy how I look.
“Start living the way you want your child to be.”
Choose your words carefully
Notice the hidden messages you pass on to your child even with best of your intentions. When you say to her, you don’t eat your food properly that’s why you are weak and thin (hidden message for her; I am weak and its bad to be thin).
You can say instead; If we eat healthy, we will be even healthier and stronger (hidden message we already are healthy and strong, no negative feedback here).
“Remember, what you feed her mind is much more powerful, than the food she eats.”
Let her discover her true self
Help your daughter see her authentic self as a person; which is not defined by her looks, her behaviour, her academic achievement or her role as a daughter or student. This is one of the most important job as a parent you have.
If she comes to you and says I am mean or bad, explain that’s not who you’re. That’s a behaviour you might have showed and once you’re aware that you did something wrong, you have the power to amend it and learn from it.
Accept her fully and tell her, you love her just the way she is; also what she does whether good or bad is not going to change how you feel for her. You can always add that you trust her wisdom and know that she will never let you down to ensure that you’re not encouraging bad behaviour.
“Never teach your child with guilt and shame, it will only damage their self-esteem.”
Change her internal dialogue and yours too
Our self-esteem is directly linked to our internal dialogue – the constant voice in our head, which usually is our worst critic. Your daughter might be saying to herself, I am not good enough or I am not pretty etc.
Help yourself and her to see the goodness in her and her true beauty. Replace her inner critic by focussing on her positive qualities and affirming positive statements like, I accept myself the way I am and I love myself.
“Positive self talk can lead you and her to true happiness and greater confidence in yourself and life.”
Acknowledge her being
Notice little acts of care, her wisdom, thoughts and acknowledge with lavish praise. Tell her that she’s a blessing to you and how proud you are to have her as your daughter. Describe her qualities specifically with evidence when she is being kind/creative/caring/sharing/thoughtful (not only because she score good in studies or sports etc.)
“In the midst of doing and achieving, remember to focus on who you and your children are being.”
Though the blog is written, keeping daughters in mind, I am sure it will apply to sons equally well:)
Share your experience with these tips and also feel free to share if you have more… I would love to hear from you.
Not as a father , but as a son i would like to acknowledge this wonderful teaching , most of what you mentioned , is how I was raised and brought up , which is the reason i can take on any situation or scenario with a smile on my face . Along with Dr. saloni singh has also influenced in life coaching and evaluation series of sessions .
As true as you wrote , this will also help all readers in parenting as well as adulthood to get proper direction .
good madam 🙂
Dear Nitin, Thanks for the acknowledgement, I appreciate it. Kudos to your parents:)