I work with so many women (and men too), who tell me they have no more energy or patience left, to try harder, to make things work.
Many times, they feel emotionally, physically and mentally drained.
Does this sound familiar?
You are not alone.
The first thing I ask them, is to make a list of all the things that had been draining them (sometimes it’s for many years now).
Interestingly, most of them have a similar list with repetitive things like:
People have too much expectations from me.
I keep trying to please my family, whether siblings, parents, in-laws or spouse, but even after all my efforts, they are never happy with me.
I desire for a calm and happy morning time but always end up having rushed mornings.
There is anxiety to get all things done, send kids to school on time and get out for office in a relaxed mood (which never happens).
I promise myself to keep things more organised the night before, but have never been able to get around, doing that.
I want to have some relaxed me-time for stillness and reflection, but end up surfing Facebook, Instagram and wonder how everybody else is having such a good time with their friends & family.
Not able to change my bad habits (even after resolutions, year after year).
Still not able to say ‘No’ and prioritise what really matters for me.
I know who are my fake friends and who are real; yet let them take advantage of me because I don’t want to come across as a selfish person.
All these and more, keep me irritated and drained.
I hear you.
First of all, go ahead and make a list, if you’ve not made one yet.
Did you notice a pattern?
What is draining you physically, mentally and emotionally is this —
Your thought process.
Your mindset.
Your need to be perfect.
Your need to please and control others (while you know you can’t).
Your need to be liked and approved by people (you don’t know why).
Your need to constantly compare yourself with others and feel not good enough.
Not setting boundaries where you know you should.
Fear of missing out.
The overwhelming stress to fit in and conform to society’s ideas (unknowingly).
Not able to create uplifting and supportive relationships.
Not being assertive and empathic where needed.
The worry and anxiety that you aren’t able to fix what’s not working.
Not taking enough rest and not nurturing your body, mind and soul.
And more…
You need to realise that ‘You Are Running Too Fast’.
Take a pause and slow down. You are not a machine.
Usually, you only stop when you just can’t go any more. Most of the times, it’s your body that shows some sickness or uneasiness that makes you stop.
When you keep on going and going and going, you crash.
Don’t let that happen again. Take a pause and reflect.
Notice what do you need to see that you were not willing to see yet, what do you need to take care of, that you’re overlooking for long.
Pay attention. Every time you do any of these, you drain yourself:
- Not able to prioritise what really matters:
A woman (or man) who knows her real priority and act accordingly, is confident and a real powerhouse. She knows where to draw boundaries and where to let go and say no.
When you are not able to do that and let people affect your life and decisions; the remote of your life is in their hands, not in yours. And that is not a good place to be.
What to do about it:
Prioritise. Prioritise. Prioritise.
I can’t emphasise enough how important it is, to prioritise in order to bring energy and balance in your life.
If a friend always let you down when you need her/him; maintain a definite distance.
If your meditation or Zumba class is more important for you, you can let go of that event everyone else is going to.
If spending time with your child / spouse is your priority, you can ask that client to come next day. Prioritise.
2. When you focus outward:
When you always focus on what others are doing or not doing, rather than just doing your best, your energy is drained.
When you want approval or validation from people constantly, or your self worth is dependent upon what others think of you, you’re doomed. You’re being a victim yourself.
No one else is doing this to you. While it seems like that everybody else is against you, but in reality you’re against yourself.
What to do about it:
Focus your attention inwards.
You can be more loving, caring and effective person, if you focus only on your part.
Pay attention to what you are doing and how you are contributing to the whole situation. Keep noticing, what’s my part in it?
Just keep on doing the best you can as per your priority, with energy and love, and leave the rest.
You can not control how people think about you or behave, anyway.
The only person you can control is you — Take control of your thoughts & feelings.
3. When you are an unhappy person:
It might seem to you, that you are not happy because XYZ is in your life. And they do not understand you, they do not care about you, they do not make an effort to make things work and why should you do all the effort?
The truth is, all these thoughts, whether true or false, make you a very unhappy and resentful person.
And you know what, an unhappy person is not an energetic person.
What to do about it:
Get this once and for all, Your Happiness is Your Responsibility. Period.
You are an Adult. Accept your responsibility and take action.
This doesn’t mean that you do whatever you want to and not care about others. This only means that you do not hold other people responsible for your unhappiness.
This means you focus on your part, in making yourself happy, in making your relationship with yourself and others a happy one.
In making your relationship with your body and your mind, a healthy one.
This means you do things that make you happy; whether that’s going for a walk, or jog or dance or play music or sport.
Whether it’s a long bath or cooking. Whether it’s meeting friends or going on date with yourself or read a lovely book.
Think happy and grateful thoughts about yourself and others and life, that energises you. And if you don’t have what you want, make that happen.
If you’re not able to do it yourself, hire a life coach. (mail at connect@salonisingh.com to find out more about life coaching)
So what are you going to do now? Let your thoughts drain your energy or have happy thoughts and ooze with positive energy.
This blog was shared on Medium earlier with that link.
https://lifecoachsalonisingh.medium.com/whats-draining-you-emotionally-and-mentally-6691ca455d77
Choose.