Are you’re one of those couples, who fell in love head over heels, got married and now you wonder what happened to that romance? You find so many things about each other even hard to tolerate. Your days are filled with arguments over differences, ego clashes and at the end of the day, your heart is full of resentment.
You need to know, most of the times it’s not love but lack of one of the most important ingredient of a rocking marriage relationship and that is – COMPASSION.
Compassion at times “when all is going wrong, when it’s really hard to do so, when you’re losing it and your ego is pushing you towards anger and frustration.”
There are many times in your relationship, when the only thing that you or your partner needs is ‘understanding and compassion’.
If you’re wondering how can you even feel compassion in this daily situation full of complaints, nagging and grudges? Pay attention to this –
There is a simple difference between resentment and compassion. The difference of point of “ATTENTION”.
Let’s take an example; when someone (here spouse ) says some hurtful words or do something hurtful to you, usually your mind goes like this –
How could s/he even say/do this to ‘me’?
How these words/action have affected ‘me’ or hurt ‘me’?
How it’s making ‘me’ feel so down and miserable?
S/He should have treated ‘me’ better than this or that.
Notice your focus of attention is all on ‘yourself’ and how you experience this incident inside of ‘you’, in your internal world.
Hence you feel resentment towards him / her and behave in a certain manner as per your emotion.
Now for instance, if you choose to think in a different way like this –
What could have been the reason that ‘he/she’ (my spouse) behaved in this way?
What would have made ‘them’ react in such a bad way?
‘They’ might be upset or stressed about something or may be hurt?
‘They’ must have had an awful hard day to be provoked so easily.
You realise the insecurity or deeper emotion behind their behaviour.
Notice, your focus of attention now, is on understanding the ‘other person’ and how they might be experiencing inside of them to behave in this manner.
Hence, you feel compassion for the other person and reach out to them with love and care instead of anger and resentment. And as a result both of you heal!
To find compassion look beyond the action or behaviour of other, notice the pain of the unhappy mind that motivated the behaviour.
What do you think are the other important ingredients of a happy marriage? Please do share with me your thoughts on that.
Much love.