What does a parent want for their child?
It might vary a little, though most parents will say they want their children to be mentally strong, healthy, responsible and resilient.
So that, they can handle any challenges of life that come their way OR when things don’t go the way they want.
We might provide the best comfort and facilities for our children but life isn’t going to be easy and comfortable. At least, not always.
Disease. Death. Competetions. Breakups. Accidents. Failures. All are part of life.
If our children don’t learn to face adversities and face them with courage and positivity,
How will they know their own strengths?
How will they grow into confident individuals?
How will they build the grit to keep going in the midst of a challenging situation and make the best out of what life throws at them?
Have you ever wondered, when we give our children too much comfort and an easy life, a life full of choices; what do we teach them?
To stay in comfort zone. To take the easy path. That’s it.
When we let them go through hardships, when we let them face challenges & difficulties, that’s when we help them learn life skills, that will really help them in life.
10 simple steps to help your child become resilient:
1. Let your child face the natural consequences of their actions.
If your child is not ready to get up in time, let them be late for school. Do not make a fuss about it or create anxiety in yourself.
If your child hasn’t put his / her uniform in the laundry basket, let them wear dirty clothes to school. Let them learn from natural consequences.
The key is, that you must remain calm and composed in these situations. Avoid any shaming or moralising.
2. Don’t accommodate every need of your child.
Overprotecting your child robs them of many opportunities to learn and become strong.
Let them find their own ways. When things are a little difficult and uncomfortable; they learn important lessons.
3. Let them take risks.
Going on adventure trips, building difficult projects or doing something unusual (whether it’s a cleanliness drive or a charity fundraiser).
Doing things that stretch your child out of their comfort zone is good.
Do not try to eliminate all risks. Risk-taking is a great skill, that kids learn only as a child .
4. Teach them to problem-solve.
Don’t provide solutions to everything. Let your child deal with difficulties, and solve problems in life. At least sometimes, on their own.
If your child comes to you feeling bored. Tell them to figure out something creative on their own. Do not provide gadgets or give them your ideas.
5. Teach them how to ask good questions.
Questioning yourself right, is a wonderful skill to move in the right direction in life.
– Where are they going with a particular situation, in hand?
– Where do they want to go?
– What skills or information do they need, in order to get what they want?
– How will they learn that skill?
Don’t provide all the answers.
Your job is not to provide all the answers, but help them connect with their inner guidance; so they can find their own answers.
5. Work on your own anxiety
Do not project the situation worse than it actually is. Share the reality. But show them hope too.
Let your kids make mistakes.
Let your child FALL. Sometimes.
Let your child FAIL. Sometimes.
Out of these situations, they will learn. Learn to rely on their capabilities, learn to recognise their own strengths.
6. Share your mistakes and failures.
Share the mistakes and failures you’ve had in life.
More importantly, share what you’ve learnt from them.
Share your life lessons in form of fun stories (not for moralising / lecturing)
7. Help them manage their emotions.
Emotional management is the key to resilience.
First, as a parent, you need to learn how to manage your own emotions, so you can help your child.
Teach your kids that all emotions are OK. The key lies in how we handle our emotions and get a grip on them, rather than being controlled by our emotions.
It’s OK to feel angry or sad when others are not able to understand you or you’ve lost a game etc.
Once you’ve felt your feelings, you need to think calmly about what is the appropriate next step that will make you feel better and help you in the long run as well.
If your teen or preteen needs help to learn how to manage their emotions, enroll them for “The Teen Workshop” – to learn resilience and emotional management for teens, details here:
8. Encourage your child to do things they don’t like
There will be times when kids will need to do things they don’t like whether it’s cleaning, making their own bed, packing, tidying or cooking.
Help them do these kinds of household and other chores, and build good habits so that they know they can do things comfortably even if they don’t like them.
The key is, not to push them or pressurise them to do so, but rather, encourage them lovingly, support them if they need it and acknowledge their efforts lavishly.
9. Trust your child 100%
Last but not the least, have full trust and belief in your child. That’s the way they’ll learn to believe in themselves.
“Parents are the mirror through which children see the image of themselves.”
Are there any tips you use to help your child become more confident and resilient, share your experiences with us.
Much love.