How do you feel about turning forty?

2014 was just another year, and an important milestone for many of us who turned forty.

So what goes on, in your mind when you hear the dreaded question – How do you feel about turning forty?

Does your mind tell you many reasons why you should not feel so good and thousand things you should feel bad about.

Mine did.

The things we’re supposed to feel (as we have been told) while starting on this downhill, popularly known as midlife crisis.

Top of my list –

# I should feel bad about getting older and not be happy to reveal my age (rather try to avoid the question completely 🙂

# I should be all sorted and organised by now, about my finances, my parenting challenges, my life and retirement plan etc.

# I should feel low if I haven’t yet achieved the peak in my professional career as per my expectations (or others’).

# I should worry about  my health (vision / blood pressure / osteoporosis, Oh my God!)

# I should be slimmer, toned and fit by now, at least.

# I should be upset about the fact that I still have issues and problems with my spouse (even after 15 years of marriage, phew!)

# I shouId worry about ageing / wrinkles and sagging of almost every part of my body.

And definitely, I should not write all this. Who am I anyway, to write about this?

Surprisingly irrespective of what my mind and beliefs tried to tell me, I continuously felt an amazing sense of calm and bliss (most of the times) during this year, that I’ve never felt before.

I feel pretty vulnerable about sharing this journey still I dare to…

I convinced my mind that I fully deserve to be happy without any reasons, though mind insisted to know the reasons for that too 🙂

So here are some things I gained, apart from some wrinkles, a grey hair and little more flab on tummy; when I turned forty (feel free to laugh as my girls would do) :

# I really do not mind now what others think of me. That’s completely their business. 

Totally agree with ‘Ann Landers’ here:

At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At 40, we don’t care what they think of us. At 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.

# Got new eyes at 40 to see the beauty of life – eyes of Gratitude!

The little pleasures of life, qualities of my life partner and kids which I could never see before, I can see now. The care in their nagging, the love in their complaints, the comfort of my little home, the joy in my work is more visible to my new eyes.

# I have been bitten by “What really matters” bug!

I do not feel the need to do things just for looking good or for the sake of formality; rather I do what really matters to my heart. “Non-conformity is the way of life.”

# “We were not meant to make it perfect” – I got it at last – Hurray!!

Life is far from being perfect, with family / work responsibilities and juggling to find ‘me time’, ‘spouse time’ ‘friends time’ and ‘writing time’.

Though I  know it is not meant to be perfect. It’s all about finding peace and joy in the middle of chaos. And every time I do, I love it.

Also I can still strive for anything I want without getting too attached to it.

# My happiness and my sadness; both are my responsibilities completely.

The common arguments with spouse or family doesn’t hurt now; got used to them now, eventually 🙂 Also I understand its my job to make myself happy and not let myself get hurt on trivial matters.

# letting go is not that difficult now, as it was before.

People’s expectations and not being able to fulfil those expectations does not scare me anymore now. I somehow got it that I am always doing my best today and genuinely trying to improve my best every time. Rest, I can let go.

# I am more aware of my mind now and practice conscious thinking.

I can observe when my mind tries to indulge me in a comparison, or try to pull me in a jealousy ride. I know I can smile or sulk; the choice is always mine.

So here’s my answer to that dreaded question:

I feel blissful and grateful about turning forty. And, I am so happy to embrace this new found bliss.

In a cooler version (from my tween daughter)

I am not just 40, I am sweet sixteen with 24 years of experience about life.

My mind showed acceptance as well as resistance, curiosity as well as deep realisation in response to that.

I realised the only limitation I have, ‘in not being able to feel the bliss every moment’ is in my own mind.

Which in turn is influenced by the society’s definition of when can I be happy and how much happy can I be.

How has been your experience about getting older; whether 40 / 45 or 50. I would love to hear your experience and thoughts.

Also I am super happy about working with some clients on converting their midlife crisis into midlife bliss.

Feel free to ask if you have any questions at connect@salonisingh.com.

Much Love.